Friday Fun: 5 Signs You're Talking To A Social Media Douchebag

Jul 23 2010 Published by under friday fun, social media

This is soooo funny. So funny it hurts. Ok, so maybe I've been guilty of one or two of these. Ok, maybe you have too. The more you're guilty, the funnier it is.

To many, the Internet is a world full of promise.

To others, a ripe field ready to be harvested by douchebags.

Both are true.

I think the first douchebag was the knight in medieval times. You just know he clickity-clanked across the village in that dopey metal armor and thought he was so cool.

Oh look at me. I have armor!

And then he'd return to the castle and push the jester around with his joust. Jousting him in the ass, perhaps.

Anyways, here they are:

  • Nobody Knows What They Actually Do. When you try to find out what a social media douchebag does, you're in for a dizzying deflection.
  • They Actually Think They're Internet Celebrities.
  • They Will Speak At Any Event.
  • They Recommend Their Friends Who Are, Coincidentally, Also Douchebags.
  • They Always Need To "Rate A Brand".

Come on, we're all friends here. (Or should that be "friends?") Fess up in the comments -- and give your own signs that you're talking to a social media douchebag.

(This one's via Walt Crawford in the most recent C&I. Blame him if this cuts a little too close to home. I might even do a sequel post to this one...)

5 responses so far

Friday Fun: Batman's 34 greatest tweets

Jul 16 2010 Published by under friday fun

So, it appears that Batman is on Twitter.

From the newly renamed Blastr site, I give you a selection of Batman's 34 greatest tweets:

Watch out criminal scum, I'm trying to kick caffeine again. And we all remembered what happened last time, don't we? DON'T WE!!!

Going to help with the clean up effort in the Gulf. And by "clean up effort" I mean breaking some BP exec's knee caps.

Hey Tony Stark, there's a "Rich Drunk Douchebags Anonymous" meeting tomorrow. I'll sign you up for a seat. With my fists.

Arkham is a disgusting, human rights-violating hellhole. It's like my Disneyland.

What do I call my iPhone? The BATiPhone? The iBatPhone? These are the things that keep me up at night. Well that and the face punching.

No Alfred, I DON'T know what PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE means. Why don't you EXPLAIN it to me.

Clearly this is the Dark Knight Batman, not the swinging 60's Batman.

I'm curious. Which amusing and/or bizarre Twitter feeds do you follow? One of my favourites is Big Ben.

3 responses so far

Friday Fun: Great Literature Retitled to Boost Website Traffic

Jun 18 2010 Published by under friday fun

From McSweeney's, a glimpse into the future perhaps...

7 Awesome Ways Barnyard Animals Are Like Communism

The 11 Stupidest Things Phonies Do To Ruin The World

8 Surprising Ways West Egg Is Exemplary Of The Hollowness Of The American Dream

And that's only the first half of them...head on over to the original link for more.

Of course, this is the kind of Friday Fun that really encourages audience participation. Let's see if we can't all take a few of our favourite books and turn them into link bait!

3 Amazing Ways to Turn Mars into an Earth-like Planet!

Want to create a plague that will kill most the people on the planet and pit humanity against eternal evil...Here's how!

11 Simple Ways to Return Cthulhu to His Rightful Place in Our Dimension!

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Friday Fun: Entire Facebook Staff Laughs As Man Tightens Privacy Settings

Jun 11 2010 Published by under Add category, friday fun, kids today, social media

Priceless, just priceless.

PALO ALTO, CA--All 1,472 employees of Facebook, Inc. reportedly burst out in uncontrollable laughter Wednesday following Albuquerque resident Jason Herrick's attempts to protect his personal information from exploitation on the social-networking site. "Look, he's clicking 'Friends Only' for his e-mail address. Like that's going to make a difference!" howled infrastructure manager Evan Hollingsworth, tears streaming down his face, to several of his doubled-over coworkers. "Oh, sure, by all means, Jason, 'delete' that photo. Man, this is so rich." According to internal sources, the entire staff of Facebook was left gasping for air minutes later when the "hilarious" Herrick believed he had actually blocked third-party ads.

My sincere apologies to the Onion for reprinting their entire article here but it was just too damn funny to resist. Please, to show them support and pageviews, click on over there right now!

On a more serious (and hopeful) note, there seems to be some hope for a middle ground: The Tell-All Generation Learns When Not To, at Least Online

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Friday Fun: New Social Networking Site Changing The Way Oh, Christ, Forget It!

May 21 2010 Published by under friday fun, social media

Funniest. Onion. Article. Ever.

New Social Networking Site Changing The Way Oh, Christ, Forget It: Let Someone Else Report On This Bullshit

Virtually every line is laugh-out-loud funny.

According to sources we feel really, really sorry for, Foursquare works by allowing users to "check in" from their present location, whether it be a bar, restaurant, nearby magazine stand, or man, this piece would be perfect to hand over to that schmuck Dan Fletcher at Time magazine right about now.

By "checking in," users can earn tangible, real-world rewards. For instance, the Foursquare user with the most points at any given venue earns the designation of "mayor" and can receive discounts, free food, or other prizes that, quite honestly, we're thoroughly disgusted with ourselves for having actually researched.

In addition, please, kill us already.

Read the whole thing. It will make your day.

(Yes, yes, I know, I'm a social media booster, a location-based services booster, a shinyshiny boster, the whole nine yards. On the other hand, I also like to think of myself as a reality-based booster so something sending up mindless hype just seems that much funnier to me.)

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Friday Fun: Mars Rover Beginning To Hate Mars

May 07 2010 Published by under friday fun, yorku

Ah, The Onion. A true repository of snark and snideitude

But as the winter lingered, Spirit began producing thousands of pages of sometimes rambling and dubious data, ranging from complaints that the Martian surface was made up almost entirely of the same basalt, to long-winded rants questioning the exorbitant cost and scientific relevance of the mission.
Project leaders receive data from the Mars rover Spirit.

"Granted, Spirit has been extraordinarily useful to our work," Callas said. "Last week, however, we received three straight days of images of the same rock with the message 'HAPPY NOW?'"

*snip*

"Hopefully these malfunctions will straighten themselves out," Callas said. "In the meantime, we'll simply have to try to glean what usable data we can from 'OVERPRICED SPACE-ROOMBA AWAITING MORE BULLSHIT ORDERS.'"

NASA remains optimistic that the rover will remain at least partially operational for the foreseeable future. However, because of the Spirit's recent proclivity toward ramming into boulders at full speed, scientists have remotely disabled its 1.5-pound rock-abrasion tool so the rover is unable to terminate the mission prematurely.

I find this particularly amusing given my institutions prominent role in the Mars-Phoenix project.

4 responses so far

Friday Fun: New First Year Experience Class: How To Not Be An Asshole

Apr 30 2010 Published by under academia, friday fun, kids today

From The Cronk of Higher Education, New First Year Experience Class: How To Not Be An Asshole, this is very funny.

The six-week class is comprised of five modules:

  • So You're Drunk: A Guide To Quietly Stumbling Home
  • Street Signs Are Not Dorm Room Decorations
  • Streaking: A Fast-Track To Suspension
  • Noises Neighbors Hate To Hear After 10 pm
  • Nine Reasons the Police Will Handcuff You

Current students expressed skepticism about the offering.

"I think it's retarded," remarked Marco Miller, a current first year student. "Sometimes, when I'm mad, I just want to pee on a statue or throw bottles at parked cars. No class is going to convince me that those kinds of things aren't fun. The Dean can suck it!"

Why did no one tell me of this Cronk before?

(Via the studentaffairs.ca blog.)

3 responses so far

Friday Fun: If The Internet Took Over Our Schools

Apr 23 2010 Published by under friday fun

This one's on Cracked.com and, unusually for them, is Safe for Work.

Now, I'm down with making education more interactive, social, customizable, multitasking, multimedia and web-enabled and all that, but for every good thing there are potential downsides. And Cracked's article nicely sums up some of the more, shall we say, absurd and ridiculous implications of Web-enabled education.

Let's just say the words pwned, First!, mentos, TL;DR and Nigerian princes all make cameo appearances.

Take a look, the Top 20 Ways the Internet is Taking Over Schools.

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Friday Fun: CERN Scientists Awaken Balrog

Apr 03 2010 Published by under friday fun

OK, so Friday Fun a day late.

Anyways, April Fools day was a couple of days ago and I thought that the ScienceBlogs home page was the funniest science-related prank of the day.

So, for those of you that missed the headline and the little story that went with it, here goes:

CERN Scientists Awaken Balrog

When the Large Hadron Collider brought protons up to full speed on Tuesday,
smashing them together at 99 percent the speed of light, the world did not end
as some feared. But disturbing news emerged Thursday morning that CERN
scientists have desperately been trying to cover up a catastrophe of another
kind. The force of protons colliding has apparently awakened a slumbering
Balrog. The Balrog's existence went undetected during preliminary evaluations
of the LHC site, but engineer Gordon Freeman, who worked on the construction of
the collider, says that several tests were done for the presence of Balrogs.
"There was no way we could have seen this coming," he said with his head in his
hands. The LHC staff have reportedly called for a team of cryptozoologists to
investigate how the Balrog might be cast down, but those who are familiar with
the ancient enemy aren't hopeful. "This foe will not be easy to smite," said
Freeman.

(This counts as digital preservation, right?)

5 responses so far

Friday Fun: Why Hollywood Always Gets the Future Wrong

Mar 19 2010 Published by under friday fun, My Job in 10 Years Book

John Scalzi's latest AMC column Why Hollywood Always, Always Gets the Future Wrong is, as usual, very smart and right on target.

And pretty funny too.

Everybody gets the future wrong. It's not just Hollywood or science fiction writers. When it comes to the future, no one knows anything. At the close of the 19th century, British physicist Lord Kelvin declared heavier-than-air flight an impossibility (despite the existence of, you know, birds) and that radio was just a fad. In the '70s, the president of Digital Equipment Corp. voiced doubts that anyone would ever need a personal computer. In 1995, scientist Cliff Stoll wrote in his book Silicon Snake Oil that the Internet wouldn't really take off, in part because it could never replace newspapers or shopping malls.

Here's to getting the future wrong!

One response so far