Friday Fun: 5 Signs You're Talking To A Social Media Douchebag

Jul 23 2010 Published by under friday fun, social media

This is soooo funny. So funny it hurts. Ok, so maybe I've been guilty of one or two of these. Ok, maybe you have too. The more you're guilty, the funnier it is.

To many, the Internet is a world full of promise.

To others, a ripe field ready to be harvested by douchebags.

Both are true.

I think the first douchebag was the knight in medieval times. You just know he clickity-clanked across the village in that dopey metal armor and thought he was so cool.

Oh look at me. I have armor!

And then he'd return to the castle and push the jester around with his joust. Jousting him in the ass, perhaps.

Anyways, here they are:

  • Nobody Knows What They Actually Do. When you try to find out what a social media douchebag does, you're in for a dizzying deflection.
  • They Actually Think They're Internet Celebrities.
  • They Will Speak At Any Event.
  • They Recommend Their Friends Who Are, Coincidentally, Also Douchebags.
  • They Always Need To "Rate A Brand".

Come on, we're all friends here. (Or should that be "friends?") Fess up in the comments -- and give your own signs that you're talking to a social media douchebag.

(This one's via Walt Crawford in the most recent C&I. Blame him if this cuts a little too close to home. I might even do a sequel post to this one...)

5 responses so far

Friday Fun: Batman's 34 greatest tweets

Jul 16 2010 Published by under friday fun

So, it appears that Batman is on Twitter.

From the newly renamed Blastr site, I give you a selection of Batman's 34 greatest tweets:

Watch out criminal scum, I'm trying to kick caffeine again. And we all remembered what happened last time, don't we? DON'T WE!!!

Going to help with the clean up effort in the Gulf. And by "clean up effort" I mean breaking some BP exec's knee caps.

Hey Tony Stark, there's a "Rich Drunk Douchebags Anonymous" meeting tomorrow. I'll sign you up for a seat. With my fists.

Arkham is a disgusting, human rights-violating hellhole. It's like my Disneyland.

What do I call my iPhone? The BATiPhone? The iBatPhone? These are the things that keep me up at night. Well that and the face punching.

No Alfred, I DON'T know what PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE means. Why don't you EXPLAIN it to me.

Clearly this is the Dark Knight Batman, not the swinging 60's Batman.

I'm curious. Which amusing and/or bizarre Twitter feeds do you follow? One of my favourites is Big Ben.

3 responses so far

Friday Fun: Great Literature Retitled to Boost Website Traffic

Jun 18 2010 Published by under friday fun

From McSweeney's, a glimpse into the future perhaps...

7 Awesome Ways Barnyard Animals Are Like Communism

The 11 Stupidest Things Phonies Do To Ruin The World

8 Surprising Ways West Egg Is Exemplary Of The Hollowness Of The American Dream

And that's only the first half of them...head on over to the original link for more.

Of course, this is the kind of Friday Fun that really encourages audience participation. Let's see if we can't all take a few of our favourite books and turn them into link bait!

3 Amazing Ways to Turn Mars into an Earth-like Planet!

Want to create a plague that will kill most the people on the planet and pit humanity against eternal evil...Here's how!

11 Simple Ways to Return Cthulhu to His Rightful Place in Our Dimension!

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Friday Fun: Entire Facebook Staff Laughs As Man Tightens Privacy Settings

Jun 11 2010 Published by under Add category, friday fun, kids today, social media

Priceless, just priceless.

PALO ALTO, CA--All 1,472 employees of Facebook, Inc. reportedly burst out in uncontrollable laughter Wednesday following Albuquerque resident Jason Herrick's attempts to protect his personal information from exploitation on the social-networking site. "Look, he's clicking 'Friends Only' for his e-mail address. Like that's going to make a difference!" howled infrastructure manager Evan Hollingsworth, tears streaming down his face, to several of his doubled-over coworkers. "Oh, sure, by all means, Jason, 'delete' that photo. Man, this is so rich." According to internal sources, the entire staff of Facebook was left gasping for air minutes later when the "hilarious" Herrick believed he had actually blocked third-party ads.

My sincere apologies to the Onion for reprinting their entire article here but it was just too damn funny to resist. Please, to show them support and pageviews, click on over there right now!

On a more serious (and hopeful) note, there seems to be some hope for a middle ground: The Tell-All Generation Learns When Not To, at Least Online

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Friday Fun: Mars Rover Beginning To Hate Mars

May 07 2010 Published by under friday fun, yorku

Ah, The Onion. A true repository of snark and snideitude

But as the winter lingered, Spirit began producing thousands of pages of sometimes rambling and dubious data, ranging from complaints that the Martian surface was made up almost entirely of the same basalt, to long-winded rants questioning the exorbitant cost and scientific relevance of the mission.
Project leaders receive data from the Mars rover Spirit.

"Granted, Spirit has been extraordinarily useful to our work," Callas said. "Last week, however, we received three straight days of images of the same rock with the message 'HAPPY NOW?'"

*snip*

"Hopefully these malfunctions will straighten themselves out," Callas said. "In the meantime, we'll simply have to try to glean what usable data we can from 'OVERPRICED SPACE-ROOMBA AWAITING MORE BULLSHIT ORDERS.'"

NASA remains optimistic that the rover will remain at least partially operational for the foreseeable future. However, because of the Spirit's recent proclivity toward ramming into boulders at full speed, scientists have remotely disabled its 1.5-pound rock-abrasion tool so the rover is unable to terminate the mission prematurely.

I find this particularly amusing given my institutions prominent role in the Mars-Phoenix project.

4 responses so far

Friday Fun: Why Hollywood Always Gets the Future Wrong

Mar 19 2010 Published by under friday fun, My Job in 10 Years Book

John Scalzi's latest AMC column Why Hollywood Always, Always Gets the Future Wrong is, as usual, very smart and right on target.

And pretty funny too.

Everybody gets the future wrong. It's not just Hollywood or science fiction writers. When it comes to the future, no one knows anything. At the close of the 19th century, British physicist Lord Kelvin declared heavier-than-air flight an impossibility (despite the existence of, you know, birds) and that radio was just a fad. In the '70s, the president of Digital Equipment Corp. voiced doubts that anyone would ever need a personal computer. In 1995, scientist Cliff Stoll wrote in his book Silicon Snake Oil that the Internet wouldn't really take off, in part because it could never replace newspapers or shopping malls.

Here's to getting the future wrong!

One response so far