Friday Fun: 5 Machines That Are Already Learning Humanity's Weaknesses

Jul 26 2013 Published by under friday fun

A fun little apocalyptic post from everybody's favourite humour site, Cracked. Skynet, anyone?

5 Machines That Are Already Learning Humanity's Weaknesses

5. Slot Machines

Slot machines are a diagnostic of everything we still need to fix in the human brain. It's normal to throw a couple of dollars in to try them out, because paying attention to new, loud, and shiny objects used to be good survival instincts before television.

Slot machines are reverse swear jars -- you put money into them and then curse -- and have the same effect on a functional mind: teaching you not to do that again. Homo sapiens is defined by being able to learn from experience and use tools. Slot players do the exact opposite.

Slot machines are the most existentially obvious scam: The fact that they're there proves that they make money for the casino by taking it away from everyone else. Anything the player says after that point isn't an argument, it's an error report from their brain. In fact, they shouldn't be called players, because that word implies skill. They're more involved in "playing" the casino septic system, where at least they affect when things come out the other end. And the fundamental laws of existence prove that they'll always push out less than they fed in. Slot machines have users in the same way drugs do, except even the gummiest crystal meth head isn't being conned into paying for his own body chemistry.

Slot machines are the lint traps of society. There should be slot machines on every street corner, and every cent they collect should be spent on education.

4. Tamagotchiville

3. Escalators

2. QWERTY Keyboards

1. You'll just have to head over to the original post yourself to find out!

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