All I have to say is that I'm really glad this wasn't published 20-something years ago.
1. We can figure things out. Understand, we're paid to dig deep, find the secrets and wade through bullshit. We can pick up on subtleties, so what you think you are hiding from us won't be hidden for long. Sure, we'll act surprised when you eventually tell us you failed freshman biology in college -- but we already knew.
We don't take shit from anyone, so don't lie to us or give a load of bullshit. We spend all day separating fact from fiction, listening to scientific supply sales reps and dealing with students' bullshit. If you make us do the same with you, you're just gonna piss us off. And don't think we'll be quiet about it. We'll respond with the vengeance of an science blogger railing against some researcher's recently-retracted paper -- and we'll enjoy doing it.
Just tell us the truth. We can handle it.
Perhaps you'll want to hide this post from your significant other or even more-importantly, non-sciencey potential significant others.
Any other warnings we should all share?