Friday Fun: Last American Who Knew What The Hell He Was Doing Dies

Oct 07 2011 Published by under friday fun

Leave it to The Onion to put it all into perspective. A couple of articles on Wednesday's passing of Steve Jobs.

Last American Who Knew What The Fuck He Was Doing Dies

CUPERTINO, CA--Steve Jobs, the visionary co-founder of Apple Computers and the only American in the country who had any clue what the fuck he was doing, died Wednesday at the age of 56. "We haven't just lost a great innovator, leader, and businessman, we've literally lost the only person in this country who actually had his shit together and knew what the hell was going on," a statement from President Barack Obama read in part, adding that Jobs will be remembered both for the life-changing products he created and for the fact that he was able to sit down, think clearly, and execute his ideas--attributes he shared with no other U.S. citizen.

Apple User Acting Like His Dad Just Died

BOSTON--Calling the death a "tragic loss" and saying he was "truly devastated by the news," self-described Apple product loyalist Eric Cavanaugh is treating the passing of the company's former CEO Steve Jobs as if his fucking dad just died, sources confirmed Thursday. "I can't believe it," said Cavanaugh, 28, wearing a saddened expression that would make you think he was mourning the loss of his 61-year-old father, Jack, and not a complete goddamn stranger.

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